


Not What It Seems

by StariNights



Category: Homestuck
Genre: !!!, Action, Again, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, GAYLIENS, Gay, Gay Aliens, Insomnia, M/M, Multi, Mystery, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Where? - Freeform, acoholism, fourth wall?, gays in space, i guess idk, i swear its not all super sad!, idk - Freeform, more to be added - Freeform, never met her., ok but seriously, oof yeeeah, self hate, so hella gay, space travel, super gay, whoo here we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-02-27 17:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StariNights/pseuds/StariNights
Summary: What happens when you mix hostile trolls with a bunch of annoying humans? Shenanigans. Romance and friendships are on their way and the banter is endless.But always keep in mind, nothing is what it seems.





	1. On a Pod Hurtling Through Space At the Speed of Fuck-All

"Oh, isn't this exciting!" Feferi bounced excitedly in her seat, her question posed more as a statement reflecting her own current mood.

No one else seemed to agree, as the only response she received was a chorus of groans. 

Eridan, her best friend, and ex-morial placed a gray hand over her mouth. "Fef, I love ya. Ya know I'd do anythin' for ya, but if you don't shut it, I will kill everyone in this pod an' then myself." the violet blood swayed in his seat, freckled face flushed. The tired seriousness in his voice kinda freaked them all out, except Feferi, as it seemed, as she giggled and placed a hand over her mouth, whispering an apology. 

They all heaved a relieved sigh, basking in the near silence, save for the buzzing of the machinery around them. That is until not five minutes later she started up again. 

"What do you think the humans'll be pike?" she asked no in particular, tilting her head to the side.

Much to the dismay (and relief in Tavros' case, as he was scared the seadweller might actually kill everyone an then himself) of everyone, Eridan was asleep, and thus unable to get Feferi quiet. In his absence, Sollux took over entertaining her, in his own way of course.

"They probably thuck ath" He lisped, leaning back in his seat beside Aradia, who had her head in her knees. 

Feferi shook her head, still smiling. "Oh, Shoal-lux, there's no need to be such a grumpy-gills, I'll bet they're grand!" Now, something you should know dear reader, Feferi talks with her hands. The become amazingly clear when, on the word grand, she threw her hand out and slammed it onto the metal wall, just above Eridan's head. 

The violet blood jolted out of his slumber, slamming his own head into the wall behind him. The entire pod (save Feferi) winced and Eridan held his head in his knees and groaned. 

"Feferi, I swear to Spider Mom, if you don't can it I will chuck Tavros at you." Vriska hissed from her spot in the corner beside Kanaya. 

Tavros looked terrified "Please... don't."

"I swear to Troll- Will Smith if you throw anyone I'll hit you with your own fucking arm!" Karkat growled lowly, his head hurting him too much for him to scream like usual.

"Why wait" she shot back, slipping off her plastic arm (they had downgraded her for the trip over) and chucking at Karkat's face. He ducked just in time and it soared past him, hitting Sollux's shoulder instead. 

"Hey, Thpider Bitch, watch where you're aiming!" He growled at her.

She scoffed "Puh-lease, at least choose insults you came actually pronounce"

"You fucking-" He was sparking, red and blue whisped off his horns and around his eyes. Aradia jerked him back into his seat without pulling her head from between her knees. 

Before anyone else could attempt to murder each other in various ways, the robotic voice crackled through the speakers in their pod.

"Apoximent arrival time: 5 Minutes"

There was a chorus of half-hearted cheers amongst the teenage crew. 

"Thank Gog, if I had to spend 10 more minutes with you nooksniffers in this cheap hunk of metal rocketing through space at the speed of fuck-all I swear my thinkpan'll rot!" Karkat growling, earning a shoe to the chest, courtesy of Vriska, Terezi cackling in the corner beside her. 

As they continue to bicker and fight, I should introduce you, dear reader, to the crew you'll soon come to know and worry about. 

In the very corner sits Gamzee, Karkat's morial and Perpetual headache, who is currently stoned out of his mind. Beside him is Tavros, always one step away from a nervous breakdown, and beside him sat Karkat, a five foot one ball of perpetual anger. Sollux, the snarky asshole who drinks way too many energy drinks and spends way to much time on his computer. His best friend, Aradia was folded in half beside him. She kept her head in her knees in silence, which was a far cry from her normal state. Beside her was Nepeta, who was sprawled out between her seat and her Morial's lap. Speaking of whom, Equius carefully, extremely carefully laced his hands in her hair. 

Across from them sat Terezi, the blind lawyer still cackling in the corner adjacent to the horse-obsessed strong man. Vriska, or as her friends call her, Spider Bitch, sat beside her, still grinning cruelly at Sollux snapping cold remarks at him. Beside her, Kanaya, the mother she was(n't), had a hand to her temple, trying to massage away the idiocy of her friends. Next was Feferi, still bouncing in her seat and asking Eridan a million questions, who was sitting beside her trying his damnedest not to just open the hatch and throw his best friend out of it. 

As out colorful cast of troll hurdle to their destination, we are left to wonder how they'll react to their new shipmates. And as Sollux launches his shoe at Vriska, we are also left to wonder whether or not they kill each other in the prosses. 

Well, I know all the answers, but I won't spoil it for you, dear reader.

Where's the fun in that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one and the next chapter are gonna be short. give the plot a sec to pick up and they'll get longer, I swear!
> 
> also side note, idk why I decided Vriska and Sollux platonically hate each other but it's a thing now.
> 
> thanks for reading!  
> -Stari


	2. Dem alien Babes

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Jade bounced excitedly in her seat, unknowingly echoing a fish girl in a pod much more cramped then hers. 

Unlike our last set of travelers, Jade's friends seemed just as pumped as she was, save for Dave in the corner. He had his headphones over his ears to block out all sound. It didn't really work.

Roxy, who was right next to Dave, didn't help in the slightest when she all but yelled:

"Oh, hellz yeah! Can't wait to meet some alien babes!" Rose rolled her eyes at her sister's antics, while Jane had worked herself into a fit of giggles beside her. 

"Yes, it'll most certainly be interesting to meet these, what did you call them? Alien Babes? It'll be quite the experience, to meet creatures from another world..." she trailed off, lost in thought. Goodbye S.S. Rose, for she has sailed into the sea of alien-intrigue, never to be seen again. "In any case, it will certainly be a story to tell once we arrive back home." oh, never mind. After a few moments of staring off into space as she explored the sea, she docked right back at the port of reality.

Jake shifted uncomfortably "Rose, I'm not quite sure how I feel about calling the chaps 'Creatures' it just seems-" he paused, searching for the right word "dehumanizing" 

Rose tilted her head "But they aren't human, surely they act differently than us."

Jake huffed "Yeah I know but still"

Dirk nudged his pouty boyfriend's shoulder with his own. Jake pouted for a second more before leaning back onto him, grinning. 

John made a fake gagging sound and Roxy laughed as dirk thew his shoe at him. Softly though, so it didn't really hurt when he hit him. They lapsed into silence for a few beats before Jane cleared her throat. 

"What if... what if they're dangerous?" she asked tentatively, the question had been in the back of her throat the entire trip. 

Jade shook her head "Nah, I bet they're just like us, except with horns!" John and Roxy giggled as Jade made two little horns with her fingers.

Jane wasn't so easily convinced "I know, but you saw their pictures! Gosh, one could just turn around to fast and stab us with their horns!" 

Rose put a consoling hand on her shoulder "Jane, I'm sure they'll be perfectly reasonable."

"Yeah! 'sides, they wouldn't send us to live with a dangerous species!" John's grin faltered a bit "would they?" 

His question hung in the air for a few tense seconds, before a robotic voice crackled through the speakers. 

"Aproxament arrival time: Five minutes"

Rose sighed "Look at us, overcome with paranoia. I'm sure these alien-babes," she glanced at her sister for a beat, grinning. "Are perfectly reasonable and will make great company." 

Roxy grinned "oh hellz yeah! They're totes gonna be hella fun!" 

John looked to Dirk "Roxy translator?" 

"I agree! They are going to be fun to hang out with" He translated. John nodded in understanding before giving Roxy finger guns "Hellz yeah."

As they all burst into a fit of giggles, we are left to wonder what adventures are to come? Will Roxy be correct in her prediction that these "Alien-Babes" will be "hella fun" or will hindsight be twenty/twenty when Jane's morbid predictions come true? I guess only time will tell.

See you next chapter, dear reader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I think I've got an update schedule going so I'm trying to update every Sunday, but don't hold me to that. I know this chapters super short too but the next chapters only halfway done and it's already at 1000 words so it'll be a lot longer!
> 
> also, comments give me life so I beg for that promo. thanks!
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Stari


	3. One Way Mirrors and Scientists Who Wont Give Their Name

"Pixies, Feferi"

All the trolls jumped as the robotic voice crackled through the speaker above the door. They had all been standing there for the past ten minutes, "Waiting for further instructions" the voice had said. 

Feferi finally registered it was her name that had been called and sprung into action. "Oh, that's me!" She grinned as she bounced towards the metal door that had opened with a mechanical woosh. 

The doors slammed shut behind her, causing all her fellow pod mates to jump. Just as they were ready to have Equius bust down the door to save her, the voice crackled in once more.

"Ampora, Eridan"

Eridan was much more cautious than his friend, tentatively poking his head in the pure white room. Seemingly content with his fate, he stepped back with his hands on his hips and said a few encouraging words to his friends:

"If I die, I want ya' all ta know, I was always better than all a' ya." He stepped through the doors with a chorus of "Douche!" ringing behind him. 

One by one, the voice called them in through the door.

"Makara, Gamzee" "see you motherfuckin' brothers on the other side"

"Serket, Vriska" "Later losers!"

"Zahawk, Equius" "Oh, oh dear"

"Pyrope, Terezi" She just cackled on her way through the door.

"Mayram, Kanaya" "Oh, well, it is now or never I suppose"

"Leijon, Nepeta" "Onward, to adventure!"

"Captor, Sollux" "This is stupid" (thith ith thtupid)

"Nitram, Tavros" "I'm- I'm going to die, aren't I?"

"Megido, Aradia" "This really is an adventure!"

Until finally, "Vantas, Karkat" 

He stepped inside the pure white room, flinching when the door slammed shut behind him. The robotic voice echoed through the room "Prepare for disinfection."

"What? Wait fuck tha-" he was cut off as a substance that felt like water but smelled like Windex was sprayed all over him, clothes and all. He sputtered and heaved a sigh of relief when it stopped. 

That is until the robotic voice he's had come to know and loath echoed through again. "Prepare for drying."

"Ok, hold on just a fucking second-" Again, he was cut off, this time by a gust a wind blow drying him down like he was a barkbeast at the salon.

Finally, /finally/, it stopped, leaving Karkat a frizzy, fluffy mess.

The door on the other side of the room opened with the same woosh as the first one. He stepped out cautiously, only to be met with a scene of chaos.

All eleven trolls who had gone before him were currently just as much of a mess as he was. Feferi and Aradia were having what seemed to be a pleasant conversation, despite the fact they were blinder than Terezi with their manes of hair obscuring their vision. Eridan was trying desperately to tame his unruly curls, hindered mostly by Sllux, who would routinely walk by and fuck it up again once it was somewhat fixed. Nepeta chased Terezi around the room, the latter of which continuously hit whoever was unlucky enough to be in her way with her cane as she ran past, and Kanaya stood in the corner, looking honestly horrified by the fact that Gamzee's hair looked relatively unchanged. 

Karkat stared out into the sea of his friends and wondered why the hell he volunteered for this. Well, no that's a complete lie. He knew exactly why he was here, it was running through his veins at that very moment. 

Karkat grumbled to himself as he went over to smack Sollux's hand away from Eridan's hair before Eridan strangled Sollux with his scarf. 

"Ple-lease continue thro-th-through the next door" The robotic voice seemed to glitch, and everyone froze in their tracks. 

"That was creepy as fuck" Sollux stated, hand still reached over Eridan's head to mess up his work again. Karkat slapped his hand down and they all continued to the next room. "I feel like a flock of woolbeasts being herded around like to this" Vriska scowled, and Karkat couldn't help but agree with her. 

In the next room, they were greeted with two humans in lab coats. The short, dark-haired female stepped forward first. "Hi! and welcome to the S.S Grub. My name is Jan and I'm here to check your vitals" 

A very tall and intimidating light-haired human stepped forward with a scanner in hand. They didn't introduce themself.

"Get in a line" their voice was curt, and Jan gave her friend an exasperated look before adding a "Please!"

They all compiled.

The light haired human, who would remain nameless and thus be dubbed an unflattering nickname later, went down the line pressing a cold scanner to each of their foreheads. Eridan and Feferi had to suppress shivers. 

Once they had completed, the light-haired human marked something off on their clipboard. Though, they continued to poke and prod at them, shining lights down their throats and into their eyes until they were half blind, or fully blind in Terezi's case, and extremely uncomfortable. 

Once they finally seemed satisfied, Jan spoke again with the most forced enthusiasm any of them had ever heard. Really, she deserved a trophy. 'Fakest Bitch Ever'. "Alrighty! You're all set! If you'll continue through that door over there you'll find your bunking schedules and bag of personal items, which have been retrieved from your pod." 

They all shuffled towards the door, still quite uncomfortable with being poked and prodded like lab rats. 

Right before Sollux was out of earshot, he heard Jan hiss something to her counterpart. He swiveled his ear around slightly to hear better.

"You wanna pull yourself together?" She hissed, and the Light-haired human looked insulted.

"I'm sorry, what? I was being professional, getting the scans over with so we could get them going! The sooner they're locked in there the better." they hissed back

"Do you think I'm happy about this?" Jan lowered her voice, sounding exasperated "I want away from them as much as you do, but we just have to power through and be nice for one day. You could have completely ruined the experiment! Besides, the next time we see them, it'll be from a one-way mirror!"

Sollux froze by the doorway, One-way mirrors? Experiments? Locked up? What? That didn't make any sense. Come to think of it, he didn't know why they were sent here in the first place. He just knew he signed right the fuck up the moment he realized it got him out of the whole Helmsman thing.

His train of thought was derailed, however, when a raspy voice called from the next room. "HEY ASSWIPE, YOU COMING?"

He rolled his eyes "Yeah yeah, I'm coming" he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling as the door slammed shut behind him and the light-haired human's words rang in the back of his mind.

'The sooner they're locked up the better.'

He felt trapped, but before he could dwell on their words more, he was swept up into the commotion of the other room. Aradia tossed him his bag, which he promptly caught with his psionics. 

"Cheater" she grinned, and he smirked back. 

As everyone grabbed their bags, a large screen in the front of the room switched on and caught all of their attention. Their names appeared in pairs on the screen as the Glados voice crackled through again. 

"Above you will see the names of whom you will share a room with, as well as your room number" 

Aradia and Nepeta were put together, and Sollux hoped he wasn't anywhere near that room, or the walls were soundproof seeing how they were both grinning mischievously. 

Tavros heaved a sigh of relief and stepped closer to Karkat as their names appeared together on the screen. Vriska scoffed as he inched away from her and she slung an arm around Terezi. "Whatever, she's waaaay cooler than a loser like you" She mocked as hers and Terezi's name appeared beside each other on the screen. 

Terezi cackled "Scourge Sisters?" she grinned maniacally and Sollux made a mental note to lock his door at dawn when Vriska matched it. 

Equius and Gamzee were paired together, the former's freshly dried hair became damp with sweat as the tall and lanky Juggalo took a step towards him. Feferi flounced over to Kanaya as their names appeared together, and that just leaves-

"Eridan Ampora and Sollux Captor"

Sollux froze, staring at the screen in confusion. No way they'd put him with the fish fucker. Eridan seemed to be in a similar state of shock but recovered much quicker than Sollux. 

"No fuckin' way!" He screamed, "There is no way I'm sharing a room with mister lispy bee fucker over there."

Sollux shot him a glare "Yeah like I'm happy about this either! I'd rather bathe in a tub of acid then share a room with prince fishdick of asshole ville!" He screamed back.

Aradia rolled her eyes as she elbows Sollux in the rib. Feferi does the same to Eridan. If they have to listen to their best friends argue for the entire trip, someone will die. 

The boys settled for glaring at each other from across the room instead, muttering obscenities under their breath.

Our crew continued on through the next set of door, the threat of locked doors and one-way mirrors still sitting at the back of Sollux's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOP, ya beach posting at like one am again. At least I'm keeping up the schedule.
> 
> thanks for reading! please give that sweet sweet validation through comments.  
> -Stari


End file.
